Joel is demisexual he tells us about it.

14 oktober, 2023

Sentry has met lovely Joel who loves to sing and listen to RnB. He has always been a person who wished and dreamed of having a long-term love relationship with a strong emotional connection, loyalty, respect for each other and himself. He describes himself as demisexual and tells more about what that is.

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– I came out in the early 90s when HIV was still a death sentence, so it has always been a threat. It didn’t limit me significantly when I was younger, although it was on my mind often. I have had some venereal diseases that I am healthy from today and I wish I would have protected myself to a greater extent than I did as it definitely affected me and my life negatively.

I originally come from Sundsvall but have lived in Stockholm and Skåne since the beginning of the 1990s. I work in marketing and communications. My biggest interests are music, fashion, interior design, travel and personal development.

Joel has a strong passion for music.

– I like to geek out on the interests I have. In addition, I sing in a gospel choir. Otherwise, I listen to most things but often end up back to my RnB favorites from the 90s or my gay icons, Madonna, Janet Jackson, Prince and George Michael. My interest in fashion and interior design has existed since I was a child when I had a dream of becoming a designer. Nowadays, I follow fashion shows and interior design trends on YouTube, among other things.

Joel identifies as a cis man and sees himself as gay.

– I’ve had a fairly simple coming out process, compared to others I’ve spoken to. I moved away from home at the age of 18 and got my first boyfriend and then I decided to come out to my parents. First my mother who was initially a bit worried that I would be treated badly. After she digested the news and spoke to my experienced aunt, she understood and has been an LGBTQ supporter ever since. The same with my father who quite immediately understood that I was who I was regardless of my orientation and has been a supporter as well.

Joel lives alone and is looking for love.

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– Today I live by myself in a suburb of Stockholm and enjoy myself very well. I date sometimes but quite often get frustrated and sometimes a little disappointed that it is difficult to find people you click with and who have similar needs and values ​​as yourself. But I don’t give up and understand that you need to make compromises, etc. I would say that I go in and out of the community depending on where I am in life. Nowadays, I mostly go out to the pub once in a while, and then it’s often Blue Oyster bar or Sidetrack. The same goes for Pride, some years I’m more involved than others, and I enjoy it anyway. I’m also available on the apps when I’m single. I have a less varied friendship group with both straight, gay and non-binary friends. I am best in small groups or one on one where there is room to have a close friendship. With that comes the fact that I think it can be challenging to be in larger groups, it stresses me out and takes extra energy. Maybe there is a certain need for control?

Joel is demisexual

– Demisexuality could be briefly described as not feeling a sexual attraction but an emotional connection. This resonates well with me and I have felt this all my life without being able to put it into words. Basically, it’s not about having to be together or in a relationship, it’s precisely that you want to click with a person more than in terms of appearance. some emotional connection to. Then of course it happened that I had hook ups and one night stands. To some extent because I thought that’s how you have to do it to be accepted, but also because I was curious. However, it is not what makes me feel good and may even have been harmful to some extent.

– I have always been a person who wished and dreamed of having a long-term love relationship with a strong emotional connection, loyalty, respect for each other and oneself. I’ve had three longer relationships and a bunch of shorter ones that mostly happened when I was younger. In the meantime, I have learned more about myself and what I want and need in a relationship, as well as understanding that compromises are always required for a relationship to develop. Then there are external factors that can play a role in how successful my relationships have been and that is to some extent age or life experience, finances, values ​​and dreams for the future, etc. But the fundamental attraction has always been the emotional connection, loyalty, respect and compatibility in personality and sexuality.

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Joel is in line for Prep

– I test myself every three months when I am single and sexually active. I don’t use Prep today but am on line, mainly to feel like I have protection if I have more unsafe sex. The downside is that you need to take it regularly/every day and it doesn’t feel as healthy as not taking any medication at all. Today on the apps it is often indicated when the person tested themselves last and sometimes also how they view safer sex, which means that the question rarely comes up, I think. With my friends, I think we see it as quite obvious that you test yourself and have a great understanding of each other if the plan for the sex to be safe goes awry.

Joel is looking for someone to share his life with but he can appreciate the single life.

– I can appreciate the single life to some extent, but would absolutely prefer to share my life with someone. During my single periods, I’m definitely on apps these days, mainly because it’s the most common place that many people are right now. My goal there is to create an emotional connection with someone who can become something more. Here, some people may get confused and not understand why I am on, for example, Grindr, which is considered a hook up app. However, I think that there should be more people like me who also have similar needs and thoughts.



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